The Tragi-Comedy of Citizen Olamusozo in the Federal Republic of Anything Goes

 The Tragi-Comedy of Citizen Olamusozo in the Federal Republic of Anything Goes

- by Noble Dr. Uzodinma Adirieje (KSJI)

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Once upon a time, in the illustrious Federal Republic of Anything Goes (popularly mispronounced as Nigeria), there lived a most unfortunate fellow called Citizen Olamusozo. His name meant “Joy Unending,” but thanks to decades of bad governance, his only constant companion was misery on an all-you-can-eat buffet.

 

Olamusozo’s morning ritual began with the National Power Outage Anthem. For the past ten years, he had paid electricity bills for light that rarely arrived. In the dark, he rehearsed his gratitude to the Honourable Minister of Darkness and Confusion for making sure his generator remained his most reliable friend—and chief consumer of his meagre salary.

 

By sunrise, he ventured onto roads that doubled as swimming pools in rainy season and moon craters in dry season. The roads had been “rehabilitated” twelve times in four years—each rehabilitation lasting precisely three months before the potholes, like politicians’ promises, reappeared fatter and more determined.

 

At work—if you can call an overcrowded, underfunded office “work”—Olamusozo spent hours improvising solutions to problems created by government policy. The internet connection was slower than the ministry’s procurement process, and the printer jammed as often as the politicians’ consciences. The Permanent Secretary once assured the staff that things would improve—just as soon as the new budget was “harmonized,” “reviewed,” “padded,” and eventually siphoned into foreign accounts.

 

The highlight of Olamusozo’s day was lunchtime, when he joined colleagues to dissect the latest news. Yesterday, a governor had declared himself the “Messiah of Good Governance” while commissioning a borehole that cost the state treasury more than a small airport runway. The day before, a senator was caught on camera slapping a salesgirl at the ticketing point at the airport, later explaining that he was only “demonstrating leadership.”

 

Meanwhile, Olamusozo’s children attended a public school where teachers hadn’t been paid in months, and lessons were as scarce as transparency in government. He dreamt of sending them abroad, but his bank balance resembled the health sector—perpetually anaemic.

 

On weekends, Olamusozo queued endlessly for petrol in a country floating on oil. A helpful government spokesperson assured the nation that fuel scarcity was “a sign of economic progress.” When he finally secured twenty litres, he carried it home like a trophy, feeling more triumphant than any Olympic champion.

 

When elections came around, the politicians reappeared with bags of rice and crisp naira notes. They promised to end poverty (which they themselves had manufactured) and to deliver “dividends of democracy,” though no one could remember ever receiving any. Olamusozo once tried to complain but discovered that speaking out too loudly risked an invitation from the State Security Agency for “a friendly chat.”

 

And so, Citizen Olamusozo trudges on—one of millions condemned to endure the tragi-comedy of bad governance, where nepotism is promoted as a State policy, mediocrity is rewarded, accountability is optional, and the average citizen must become a contortionist just to survive.

 

After all, in Nigeria, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for the ruling elite to govern with sincerity.

 

Noble Dr. Uzodinma Adirieje is a distinguished and multidimensional communicator whose work as a writer, columnist, blogger, reviewer, editor, and author bridges the intersections of global health, sustainable development, human rights, climate justice, and governance.